A trip awaits – Californication! Some notes on Wine Country travels #wine #travel

Hola, travelers.

I write to break some ice here at Tripenator – things tend to get a bit standoffish with travellers – we’re all bad ass in our own right – lets just keep that in mind (I am talking to you, Kansas and Canada).

This writer is hopping on a plane tomorrow, at the crack of dawn – a fabulous JetBlue plane, for your information. I am really hoping its their BetaBlue plane, which has free integrated wifi! If it is, prepare yourself for a life altering liveblog as I travel back through time, to get to the current time, on the other side of the country. Yeah, flying to that other coast with the most is really a wild thing.

So why California? Well lets start with the obvious. Earthquakes. I have some plans to capture one in the wild, and take it home with me. I’d love to unleash it at work, and we’d all get to go home. We’ll see though – depends how big of one I can find.

Other reasons to go to Cali, CA, Cal, is to get hammered educated. Wine country, my friends! There’s a great trick to going wine tasting – act like a NOOB. The less you know, the more the pourers will talk – and the more you listen, the more wine they give you. It works, and you will thank us later. The main reason is this is a successful play, is that lots of douchebags go to wineries. You’ll get snotty old people who think they know everything, and you’ll also get super douchebaggy young people – who rent limos and stuff to try and make a big scene. No one likes those people.

Instead, be chill. Be friendly, interested, and make them think you want to learn about their wine. It makes the employee feel useful, too – that’s a good thing. That’s where you can start getting free tastings. If you really like the place and pourer.. just keep talking – you’ll likely get some fancy free Reserve tastings or even other specialties. Once, I got a pourer to whip up a lemony cocktail with a desert wine they had. It was fantastic, and totally worth all the conversing.

Things to ask your pourer – “how long has this vineyard been producing”, “what are your most popular wines”, “can you tell me about your pinots?”, “what food would you eat with this?”, “are you independent or owned by a big stupid conglomerate?”, “can i try that one again, i really liked it”, “can i get this on the east coast?”, “do you ship?”, “do you like your job – can i have one?”,”what are your favorite wines here”… and the list goes on. You can tell where we’re going though – its like sweet talking a girl at a bar, or on Facebook.

Another key thing in getting alot of vino is to hit up smaller vineyards. The bigger ones are like going to a big ass grocery store, where they have rules and stuff in place to limit the output. Smaller places are happy to talk and get to know you, as well as promote their wines. They get eclipsed by the asshole big wineries – so they want to win you over. Its a sweet deal – and really, they are usually the nicest places.

Oh, one more thing to keep in mind. Don’t bring up “Sideways” if you are in Central or Northern California. As it turns out – that took place further south, where Merlots really are not that great. Merlot however is a major player in the upper areas, so don’t even THINK about telling your pourer “I don’t want merlot because I saw Sideways”. You might get your ass bounced right out the door.

So there you have it. Expect this blogger to come back with new findings on wine. What do you think about wine? Do you like whites? Reds? Chat it up!