21 May 2009
[Countdown] Worst Summer Vacation Spots
5. Any trip anywhere with children. Kids are basically the worst ever and will ruin almost any occasion. They seriously put a damper on everything and turn their formerly cool parents into complete pussys. Just see the facts for youself. According to a recent tripenator study average bedtime when on vacation without kids is approximately 3:23 am, Average number of alcoholic drinks consumed was 14 per day, average number of hand sandwiches was 3 per day. Now the figures for Vacations with Children are as follows. 10:04 pm was avg bedtime, avg number of alcoholic drinks consumed per day was ¼. And zero hand sandwiches were had as a result of kids being there. Kids themselves are a fairly effective form of birth control.
4. Land Locked States – why would people go to a landlocked state? You can’t swim there because there is no ocean and the lakes are typically grubby with fallen oak tree leaves. A recent poll found that swimming is the #1 activity people on vacation want to do. So if you cant swim its pretty safe to say you will have a bad vacation, therefore going to a landlocked state would be a terrible choice.
3. South America – due to the Earth tilt, it is winter in the Southern hemisphere during Northern Hemisphere summer. So if its nice and warm at home why would you want to be freezing again?
2. Disney - Disney just sucks – wussy rides – fake make believe everywhere, . children everywhere.- annoying parents. Plus you are usually forced to take your kids and if you are a single male you would be considered a molester- DOUBLE WHAMMY. You will have a better time getting shitfaced and going to a local carnival.
1. A cruise, studies show that if you are considering a cruise you are overweight/ dull / and or balding horrifficly. When asked about the cruise you only seem to mention the 24/7 buffet , you have no idea where the cruise goes. Wow your ” floating hotel” goes from port to port while you wait in lines of Fat porkers. Who goes on vacation and never leaves their hotel?? NOBODY – only people on cruises. A Tripenator poll showed that 89% of women answered TRUE to Do you think of being on the Titanic with Leo before you board the cruise ship? Why would anyone go on vacation where their wife or gf is dreaming of being with another man (Leo) with the knowledge that the ship will sink and he dies? Plus the Women will pack a trunk full of prom dresses for the mandatory dress up dinners. Being made to dress up with a necktie and a blazer is horrible. Typically the Woman will get mad at her Husband due to looking nothing like Leo from the movie Titanc. Most summer cruises will not hit an iceberg and sink but 100% of cruises end up with one of the following scenarios. Seeing many people puke, Getting zero tan, getting mad at the fat kids in aqua sox, getting in a fight with wife or gf because you had wandering eyes, being hated by locals at all of the ports of call.
tremendous count down. Your absolutely right, vacation with a child is no vacation at all. But i think your all wrong on disneyt, theres nothing better than mr toads wild ride, for my money
gregg luganus
May 21st, 2009 at 12:21 pmpermalink
i always travel alone to avoid issues like children, prudes, etcetera.
tripper
May 21st, 2009 at 12:30 pmpermalink
hmm interesting review. the wife hates when i go to disney because all i like is the salt water flyfishing in FLA. its a blast!
bigger than bears
May 21st, 2009 at 1:10 pmpermalink
what is a hand sandwich?
amazing poster
May 21st, 2009 at 1:21 pmpermalink
The definition:
When you rub a girl’s v@gina with your hand outside of the her
underwear, but inside her pants.
Used in a sentence
“I couldn’t f1nger her because her parents were in the front seat. So I
just gave her a hand sandwich.”
Travis Travel
May 21st, 2009 at 1:56 pmpermalink
You bring up some very valid points about cruises. The one thing I might add is when you combine worst summer vacation spot #5, vacationing with children, to the worst vacation spot #1, Cruises, I’d argue that you might have the ultimate worst vacation spot ever. Not only do the implications of travelling with children apply but being on a ship you have nowhere to run to! I don’t know how everyone else feels but a week in a floating hotel sleeping in a cubical sized cabin with children does not sound appealing to me. Maybe that’s just me.
GirlWonder
May 21st, 2009 at 2:54 pmpermalink
Hand Sandwiches have recently gained traction as a possible cause for Swine Flu. Read about it here!
http://pineappleope.com/swine-flu-update-swine-cross-mexican-border-via-wings/
sammichces
May 21st, 2009 at 2:57 pmpermalink
Excellent point Girlwonder – combininations of the worst vacation spots would definitely make for worse and worse vacations.
I forgot to mention that Disney actually has it’s own cruise lines so that would be the ultimate worst vacation spot ever.
Even worse would be A South American Disney cruise with children.
However i think a cruise in a landlocked state would somehow be amazing
Travis Travel
May 21st, 2009 at 3:01 pmpermalink
can i get this in PDF or print format? kthanks
allthings
May 21st, 2009 at 4:00 pmpermalink
check THIS out..
http://pineappleope.com/2-playmates-two-hand-sandwich-great-great-pleasure-mostly-naked-girls-nakedfriday-quiznos/
friggin better than summer vacation guys. HAND SANDWICHES too!!! awesome vid.
iluvmonkeys
May 22nd, 2009 at 1:01 pmpermalink
TRAVEL TRAVIS WHAT A TOOL!!
JOHN
January 9th, 2010 at 4:32 pmpermalink
WHAT ARE YOU A FAT UGLY SOCIAL MISFIT WHO LIVES IN YOUR PARENTS BASEMENT WORKS AT THE DOLLAR STORE CANT FUNCTION WITH THE MAJORITY OF THE POPULATION?
JOHN
January 9th, 2010 at 4:36 pmpermalink
John you are pathetic- seems like this article got under your skin. Ive never seen anyone get so angry at an internet article. Also why would anyone want to fit in with the majority of the population since the majority of people are fat fucks like yourself.
Archie
January 9th, 2010 at 6:41 pmpermalink
Archie were not talking about weight here fucktard!
JOHN
January 20th, 2010 at 10:30 pmpermalink